Tick Tock

The picture above represents a “high”, when nothing can bring you down but time.

Throughout this past week, I have been thinking about two things.

1. Ms. Serensky’s talk about how A.P. English forms its own world, and how we cannot expect other people to understand our world if they are not in it. (That is what I got from it at least)

2. Mood swings. I tracked a lot of mood swings throughout the book. I know 6^th period specifically talked about Billy Bibbit and how he could go from so confident and collected, to stuttering and fearful.

I thought about both ideas at separate times, but connected them this morning. I thought about the times I have been most moody-which in my case translates into anxiety. When I am anxious, my nervousness turns into negativity towards everything and everyone. I find it impossible to keep my anxiety inside, and most times lash out at people. But when? What triggers the anxiety and all of the pain, nervousness, and fear? For me, ironically enough, I take rapid mood swings when I leave “my world”. Fourth grade for example when I first moved to Chagrin Falls, I had not one friend, so I took it out on my parents. I was so mean to all of the other kids because I was scared of actually liking this new place that I sure did not consider home. I have always been a very outgoing person, since about age five I wanted to be friends with EVERYBODY. I could not possibly emotionally connect with everybody though, so I became frustrated. I was taken out of my world which I had completely adapted too, and refused to make Chagrin a second home. As I grew older, the mood swings became more frequent, but also the highs were higher and the lows were lower. I would have given anything to be at a constant medium, but I couldn’t find it; does this inconsistency make me insane? Then, on my trip to Africa, I really got thrown into unknown territory, and it again changed my outlook and mood. So looking back in time, when I, like the patients, was tossed out of my world, I couldn’t adapt. I can now, I know now that any place I am with those I love is a home. I also know however, that it is only a matter of time until I will again hit a low. I think that whole idea seems scary; I know I will have upsets in life but cannot stop them from happening. So I apologize for criticizing these patients for their inability to adapt, because I too struggle with new environments. I really appreciated the outside look from Ms. Serensky into how we have been acting. I know I am guilty of on a daily basis turning into an “A.P English zombie, but when I am at a level mood (like right now), I can see how hypocritical that seems. We are all people, good at something’s and bad at some, and I am horrible at accepting change.